Shorty here

I just wanted to say that I hope this blog is serving it's purpose. I hope that the people who have read my blog are enjoying life or have a new, better perspective on something that was once a danger to themselves. Thank you to everyone who reads my MASSIVE posts :) You guys are awesome! I love everyone for the support and views :)

This video

You guys, this video is awesome. I honestly feel like I've taken too much for granted.

A man explains what existing is. Why we exist and teaches us to see it from a more...spiritual perspective. When I say spiritual I don't mean Religious, I mean as a community of the same race. Those emotions we all experience, those unwritten rules of humanity, such as murder is bad or that anxious feeling of disappointment. I've discussed my thoughts about the same topic, how we exist is not something just worthless, but it's for us. This man explains it much better than I do and he uses the comparison of science verses real world experience. Science tells us we are mating machines, we are programmed to survive. We are not programmed. Sure we experience instinct, and to the extent we may consider ourselves "programmed" but what you do, who you are, is all inside of you. I'll stop there and let you enjoy the video :)

No sugar coating it

I found this quote on a tumblr blog.

"And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. F*** it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself."

- Unknown

I frequently deal with the fact that I need to move on. I took a year off school and the future is calling. The thing that pulls me back, that deafens me, is my own confidence. Ever since 8th grade, when I attempted to accept myself and experienced such a negative reaction towards who I was, it destroyed my self esteem. It is my fault for allowing this to happen, I can't make excuses. The quote above is so simply blatant about being yourself that it just slapped me in the face. I am moving on from here, I signed up for a community college. That doesn't mean I'm 100% satisfied but it's a step in the right direction I feel.

I wanted to share this with you guys because I don't believe there is one life in this world that is and has always been satisfied with itself. Mistakes are just normal but we don't accept them as that and beat ourselves up. There are those of us that move on much more easily and those of us who have a much more difficult time facing it. The most important thing here is to just work yourself out of it. Pressure can be healthy in situations to help you move on or it can force you to curl up in your shell even more, just remember to do it on your own time. 

This is your life, your world, you will know what's best for you and at what time. You will know when you are either fully healed or taking advantage of your excuses. I just hope that you choose the right one, whoever you are and what you did. I hope the mistakes you made, or make, are never just a hole in your heart the rest of your life, fix it and help others with what you have learned. People need that. I sure as hell would have loved that guidance. You have to help yourself before you can help others. Make sure to give yourself some credit for taking on the world and make sure you know you love yourself. In all honesty I never really understood what it meant to be true to yourself, I mean...I knew the general aspect of it but I had to experience it to fully understand and now I do. Do what you would do. Don't ever do anything under influence, that's what it means to be true to yourself. Often times we suppress our quirkiness around others. Just do it. Simple as that, no thoughts about it, just do it.

Hopefully this all makes sense and someone takes the time to read it. I know all of my blogs are really long, I apologize for that, I guess I just have a lot to say.